James: are you ready?!
J: BUGGER ME!
Amy: a diving catch! i trashed my trifle in my excitement
J: i don't think i'm ready for the second half! shaking
J: what's with jucinta's teeth?
A: goosebumps!
J: b! eight! get in the cuba!
J: ahahaha "the cuba" :D
A: in my hysteria i deleted your last text before even reading it :P clueless!
J: concentrate stocking! you'd never survive in the cuba!
J: nicola! ;D
A: what's with all the lumberjack shirts?!
J: they're all chopping wood - tapped!
J: national lottery!
A: rollover!
A: untouchable!
A: his lankyness is his greatest asset
J: like me!
J: so tense
J: "don't let it rattle you", wise words from the fox
J: "just that final leg!" omg, that punched me in the stomach
A: you keep quoting just as i'm in the middle of typing the same quote! fwoo trace is getting tight chested
J: tell her to take a deep breath. i've had to remove my knitwear
J: the tower's laughing at him!
A: brought him to his knees, steady on schofield!
J: did you see the body was played by... the body! :D
THE CUBE
Monday, 20 September 2010
Monday, 6 September 2010
Need a leg up?
Can you feel it? That's the sound of the underground; it trembles. The balls of your feet touch the ground as it shakes, your ankles twist as your legs break. The noise isn't broadcast. It's pissing in the wind of broadcast, like a sozzled dog tied to the stilts of a beach house. Tune in, zone out, but just don't take your eye off the leash - else a stampede of Beethoven's will invade Amsterdam and not even the good ship Poezenboot can save you then.
Leggykic
You know it makes sense.
Leggykic
You know it makes sense.
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Sacrébleu!
Recently I seem to have been listening to a lot of foreign music. All tracks have been found through decidedly British avenues, such as TV programmes like Skins, but they originate from foreign lands. I think it's the fact that I don't have a bloody clue what's being said. Without a form of lyrical meaning to latch on to, the words just become yet another instrument and layer of sound that you can interpret as you see fit. Or something.
Amy Stocking quipped that Mapaputsi's Kleva was "ghetto bhangra", a combination that is sure to intrigue, whilst Royan by the wonderfully titled Francois and the Atlas Mountains is either a fragile ode to love or the hurt it can cause; again, I'm not sure it really matters which one it is.
I don't intend to Google either of them for their literal meaning - I'd rather be lost in translation.
Amy Stocking quipped that Mapaputsi's Kleva was "ghetto bhangra", a combination that is sure to intrigue, whilst Royan by the wonderfully titled Francois and the Atlas Mountains is either a fragile ode to love or the hurt it can cause; again, I'm not sure it really matters which one it is.
I don't intend to Google either of them for their literal meaning - I'd rather be lost in translation.
Monday, 30 August 2010
Life + job
I'm a talking cliché. Since beginning as a features writer for Staffordshire Life, I walk around making absurd exclamations like: "We need to put the September issue to bed!", or "Let me just speak to my editor and we'll get back to you!" I find myself cringing in social situations when people ask what I do. "Teacher", "graduate scheme", "office worker", they all say, while hot, sweaty specks of embarrassment press like pins against my forehead. "Oh, I'm a writer", I quickly mumble, while I feel their eyes bore into me as if I'm some kind of fantastical figment. It's pretty good though.
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
Man up
Following previous contemplation on whether the mlutch is a bold and beautiful move towards offering men more choice in the bag department, or if it's actually just a bit (whisper it) effeminate and sissy, I have found a solution: the mlutch should be held in the mouth. That's it, right between the gnashers. This revelation slapped me in the chops after a few vodka and lemonades on Saturday night.
See, manly.
See, manly.
Monday, 14 June 2010
Popstar 101
The big buzz over Lady Gaga's new video for Alejandro has finally began to subside but, with it clocking over 17 million views on Youtube currently, debate is sure to continue on whether the promo clip is a work of art, or just hard work.
Following the success of the Telephone video, I had a new-found respect for all things Gaga. Telephone, which I posted my thoughts on at the time, was a hit because it didn't take itself too seriously, whilst at the same time taking its role as a music video very seriously indeed. The feature was ironically iconic, and served as the perfect platform for Stefani Germanotta to display the art(ist) she had created. Even the exaggerated nine and a half minutes running time did not matter, as it simply affirmed the fact that this video was a proper pop event by a proper popstar, not a run-of-the-mill club scene like carbon videos a, b and c (or should that be J, L, S? The only thing that club is alive with is the sound of far too much autotune).
Furthermore, the decision to get Steven Klein on-board should have been a masterful move. Klein is, much like Lady Gaga, a brilliant manipulator of exhibition, and working hand-in-hand they should have produced something worty of a follow-up to the Telephone clip.
For all the desire to create something that is original, unexpected, striking, and multi-layered, Lady Gaga forgot to consult the Popstar 101 Handbook (if it doesn't exist, then it should do). And rule number one: entertain. A criteria so key and essential in this line of work that to forget it is nothing short of blasphemous. You see, I admire how the video's been shot. The art direction is certainly very good. And the choreography is arguably the best we've seen from Gaga. But from watching the video I was pretty, well... bored. And it comes as a suprise, because up until this point 'boring' was never a word that could be directed at the woman.
From watching, you get the distinct impression that there is supposedly some sort of plot beneath all the moody frames, but after numerous viewings all I am able to grasp at is a collection of random images that provide no kind of cohesive narrative and no semblance of a unified message. I would never be one to say that the visuals should explicitly match-up with the lyrics of a song, and to my mind it is always a plus for a piece of cinematography to allow multiple readings, but if the impression a viewer is left with is one of mild bemusement - that awkward burrow of the brow, coupled with a raised eyebrow - then I can't help but feel Lady Gaga has fallen short of the mark in delivering this time around. It takes over eight minutes to say very little at all.
The execution of the video is as cold and stark as the warehouse in which the performance takes place. Klein's direction just comes across as a repeat of the work he has previously done with Madonna, particularly the photoshoot that was used for her 2004 Re-Invention Tour. The imagery is less of a re-invention and more of a re-hash.
Klein has attempted to justify the scenes of religion, saying: "The religious symbolism is not meant to denote anything negative, but represents the character's battle between the dark forces of this world and the spiritual salvation of the Soul."
He continues: "Thus, at the end of the film, she chooses to be a nun, and the reason her mouth and eyes disappear is because she is withdrawing her senses from the world of evil and going inwards towards prayer and contemplation."
How well this convoluted explanation directly tackles some of the issues in the clip is difficult to say. Are the dark forces in this world the throng of naked man prancing around her? Or perhaps it's the pudding-bowl haircut that she finds herself with? But just how far Gaga et Klein can defend the religious symbolism is questionable when the video includes her dressed in a nun's attire emblazoned with an upside-down cross that points to her crotch.
For the video for Telephone, I applauded the length of it. The high production values, and the fact that it was like a short feature film, meant that it injected a new lease of life into what was becoming a sterile medium. Lady Gaga has up until this point ensured that the music video is still an important component of the 'pop package', something that record labels have been pushing to one side in more recent years, as it is unlikely the return on them actually warrants the costs spent. The opposite is true here. With no sense of direction, Alejandro does not make for compulsive viewing. Rather, it is a chore to sit through, certainly in contrast with her previous offerings.
The best thing that Gaga can possibly learn from this is that producing a perfectly complete three-and-a-half minute pop video can actually be a work of art too, and that she would not be sacrificing her artistry in doing so. Sometimes Gaga, less is more.
Following the success of the Telephone video, I had a new-found respect for all things Gaga. Telephone, which I posted my thoughts on at the time, was a hit because it didn't take itself too seriously, whilst at the same time taking its role as a music video very seriously indeed. The feature was ironically iconic, and served as the perfect platform for Stefani Germanotta to display the art(ist) she had created. Even the exaggerated nine and a half minutes running time did not matter, as it simply affirmed the fact that this video was a proper pop event by a proper popstar, not a run-of-the-mill club scene like carbon videos a, b and c (or should that be J, L, S? The only thing that club is alive with is the sound of far too much autotune).
Furthermore, the decision to get Steven Klein on-board should have been a masterful move. Klein is, much like Lady Gaga, a brilliant manipulator of exhibition, and working hand-in-hand they should have produced something worty of a follow-up to the Telephone clip.
For all the desire to create something that is original, unexpected, striking, and multi-layered, Lady Gaga forgot to consult the Popstar 101 Handbook (if it doesn't exist, then it should do). And rule number one: entertain. A criteria so key and essential in this line of work that to forget it is nothing short of blasphemous. You see, I admire how the video's been shot. The art direction is certainly very good. And the choreography is arguably the best we've seen from Gaga. But from watching the video I was pretty, well... bored. And it comes as a suprise, because up until this point 'boring' was never a word that could be directed at the woman.
From watching, you get the distinct impression that there is supposedly some sort of plot beneath all the moody frames, but after numerous viewings all I am able to grasp at is a collection of random images that provide no kind of cohesive narrative and no semblance of a unified message. I would never be one to say that the visuals should explicitly match-up with the lyrics of a song, and to my mind it is always a plus for a piece of cinematography to allow multiple readings, but if the impression a viewer is left with is one of mild bemusement - that awkward burrow of the brow, coupled with a raised eyebrow - then I can't help but feel Lady Gaga has fallen short of the mark in delivering this time around. It takes over eight minutes to say very little at all.
The execution of the video is as cold and stark as the warehouse in which the performance takes place. Klein's direction just comes across as a repeat of the work he has previously done with Madonna, particularly the photoshoot that was used for her 2004 Re-Invention Tour. The imagery is less of a re-invention and more of a re-hash.
Klein has attempted to justify the scenes of religion, saying: "The religious symbolism is not meant to denote anything negative, but represents the character's battle between the dark forces of this world and the spiritual salvation of the Soul."
He continues: "Thus, at the end of the film, she chooses to be a nun, and the reason her mouth and eyes disappear is because she is withdrawing her senses from the world of evil and going inwards towards prayer and contemplation."
How well this convoluted explanation directly tackles some of the issues in the clip is difficult to say. Are the dark forces in this world the throng of naked man prancing around her? Or perhaps it's the pudding-bowl haircut that she finds herself with? But just how far Gaga et Klein can defend the religious symbolism is questionable when the video includes her dressed in a nun's attire emblazoned with an upside-down cross that points to her crotch.
For the video for Telephone, I applauded the length of it. The high production values, and the fact that it was like a short feature film, meant that it injected a new lease of life into what was becoming a sterile medium. Lady Gaga has up until this point ensured that the music video is still an important component of the 'pop package', something that record labels have been pushing to one side in more recent years, as it is unlikely the return on them actually warrants the costs spent. The opposite is true here. With no sense of direction, Alejandro does not make for compulsive viewing. Rather, it is a chore to sit through, certainly in contrast with her previous offerings.
The best thing that Gaga can possibly learn from this is that producing a perfectly complete three-and-a-half minute pop video can actually be a work of art too, and that she would not be sacrificing her artistry in doing so. Sometimes Gaga, less is more.
Friday, 7 May 2010
Conservatives gain Stafford
The Labour stronghold of Stafford was overthrown last night (May 6) with a convincing win by Jeremy Lefroy securing victory for the Conservatives.
Labour candidate David Kidney had been in power since 1997, when he beat David Cameron.
Yet Mr Lefroy acknowledged Mr Kidney’s successful run over the past 13 years, saying in his acceptance speech: “I have got to earn the respect that David Kidney has earned.”
Mr Lefroy commended the amicable way in which all candidates had fought the election.
He said he was “very honoured” to have gained such a majority.
The Conservatives gained 22,047 votes, while Labour received 16,587.
Liberal Democrat candidate Barry Stamp received 8,211 votes, while UKIP’s Roy Goode polled 1,727. BNP candidate Thomas Hynd received 1,103 and the Green Party’s Mike Shone polled 564.
Turnout was up from 67% in 2005 to 71%, with 50,328 votes cast compared to 45,554 in 2005.
Mr Lefroy said: “The turnouts have been very good. I think people took a lot more interest, and I have noticed that a lot of young people have voted, which is good.”
He said he wanted to change the national perception of Stafford, following the recent controversy surrounding Stafford Hospital.
StaffsLive article
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